“My lead is MIA. What should I do?”

First: you're not imagining it, and you're not being dramatic.

A disengaged manager isn't just annoying. It has a real cost to your confidence, to your work, to your team's ability to move. When the person above you isn't showing up, you end up doing their job on top of yours, without the authority or the recognition that comes with it. That's exhausting and it's not okay.

So let's talk about what to actually do.

Don't ghost back

The worst thing you can do is mirror their behaviour. Start checking out yourself, let things slide, quietly resent them. I've watched people do this and it never ends well for them or for the team. You end up being collateral damage in someone else's spiral.

Keep doing your job well. Not for them. But for yourself and for the people around you.

Prepare before you say anything

Before you have any conversation with your manager, work through it with someone you trust like a peer, a mentor, someone outside the situation who will keep it confidential. If you don't have that person right now, use AI. Seriously. Give Claude or ChatGPT the context: who this person is, how they're showing up, how it's making you feel, specific examples.

Ask it to help you draft a script. Ask it to push back on your tone. Ask it what you might be missing. For me, I would get tripped up on specifics so I would have AI distill my talking points into 2-3 key words and those would be my conversation anchors.

The goal is to walk into that conversation prepared, not reactive.

Have the conversation but come in with the right mindset

Here's the thing: you have no idea why they're behaving this way. Could be burnout. Could be a personal crisis. Could be that they're about to leave and haven't told anyone yet. Could be that they've been checked out for years and nobody has ever told them.

That matters, because your job in this conversation is not to accuse. It's to open a door.

Come from a posture of empathy and curiosity, not frustration. Talk about how their absence is impacting your ability to do your job and not what you think of them as a leader.

For example:

"When I send something for feedback and I don't hear back, I end up having to move forward without your input, and I'm not always confident I'm making the right call. Can we agree on a realistic turnaround time?"

Or:

"The upcoming XYZ meeting is one I've set up, but I really need your voice in the room. Without your leadership on this, we're at a stalemate. Can you commit to being there?"

Specific. Kind. About the impact, not the behaviour.

Don't ask them why they're checked out. Don't make it about them personally. Don't go in with a list of grievances. One or two concrete examples, focused on what you need to do your job well.

If nothing changes

If you have the conversation and nothing shifts, you have a different problem. One that may require a different kind of support. That might mean going to HR, building a relationship with your skip-level, or deciding whether this role is still workable for you.

But start with the conversation. Most people haven't had it. Most managers don't know their absence is landing this hard. And sometimes just naming it clearly is enough to change it.

One more thing, because I think it needs to be said. It sucks that you're in this position. When someone who holds more power than you — more title, more money, more influence — is the one acting checked out, it can feel immature and tone deaf. And having to be the one to say something? When they should already know? That feels wrong. I get it.

But the most effective people I've worked with don't wait for the org chart to sort itself out. They speak up not because it's their job to fix their manager, but because they refuse to let someone else's disengagement define their experience.

So be kind. Be specific. And know that you're not the problem here.

Have a question you'd never post on LinkedIn? Send it to anne-marie@joinswimclub.com. All letters are anonymised.